My father-in-law, who I also had the great fortune to regard as one of my best friends, once told me that: Generosity is the highest form of selfishness.” I’ll never forget those words because they resonated with me at a very deep level. Once again, I’m going to tell a little bit of a personal story to illustrate the essence of that statement.
During the 1980’s, when the economy was growing at a very steep and rapid curve, I purchased several multi-family and single-family homes, believing that I was making rock solid investments that would last a lifetime. Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had them all back today. However, life tarries on and not a person on earth could possibly have predicted the massive recession that rocked everybody’s boat in the early 1990’s.
If you were there you would completely understand when I say that the banking crisis responsible for the infamous crash of 2008, was a walk in the park compared to the massive monetary upheaval caused by the recession of the early ‘90’s. It took a massive toll on the housing market. The people hurt the most were people like myself, the brainiacs of the 1980s who thought they were so cool, purchasing rental property after rental property, at ever increasing prices. We all stood helpless as we watched the prices of housing stock plummet through the floor, accompanied by a precipitous decline in interest rates.
I don’t know how it worked this way, but when the economy was great there were waiting lists of possible tenants and rents were paid on time. But when the economy tanked, apartments were all-of-a-sudden un-occupied, and you couldn’t find a tenant willing to pay a reasonable rent anywhere! I was baffled! Where did they all go? I still don’t have that answer. So, I found myself, along with all the other relatively newer landlords in town, floating further and further up the proverbial creek, without a paddle. Needless to say, the creek became very crowded! At any rate, to say that I was financially up against it is somewhat of a drastic understatement.
I don’t know where it came from, but I always had an ingrained sense of genuine generosity. People call it “Giving Back.” However, I think it more as an expression of who I am, a responsibility I have to myself. I can remember three people who will always stand out in my mind; three people who lived entirely different lives and share a very special place in my heart; three people who came into my life at the right time and in the right place, all of whom gave me a swift kick in the ass to send me off in a direction that was drastically different from the one in which I was going. Thank You, God! They saved my life!
The 1980’s was an era of direct mail marketing because technology had yet to rise up and take over the world. It seemed like every day a number of requests for financial assistance arrived in my mailbox from a variety of reputable charities. But I learned that you had to be careful, because if you donated to one of them, the volume of requests would inevitably increase. Lists of people willing to donate were much more easily sold at this time!
But I did have my three favorites that received a check from me every month, no matter what. One of them was Covenant House, a shelter that ran a number of outreach programs for kids who were living on the streets of New York City. There are others, but Covenant House is one that I remember. I never let a month go by without sending them a check.
At the same time, I was a Big Brother in the Big Brother Association of Massachusetts Bay, and I was matched to Eddie for over ten years. We may be the longest match in the history of the Association. I also served on the Board of Directors, chairing a variety of committees, while simultaneously serving on other Boards. I was a very busy young man. I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention that Eddie was the Best Man at my wedding in August of 1992!
Now, to the point of this article. I remember a time during the tumultuous early nineties when the entire country was stuck in an economic sink hole, that I received the perfunctory mailer from Covenant House, and I didn’t have sufficient funds to cover a check of any size. I was flat broke. No matter where I looked, I couldn’t find an extra $25 sitting anywhere. How pathetic is that? It began to look more and more like I didn’t have a choice. I had to take a pass on making any donations this month, not even to Covenant House.
Then, something extraordinary happened, something that has become a regular occurrence in my life. A Voice that emanated from the deepest reaches of Who I Am bubbled up to the surface. It was unmistakable because it wasn’t my everyday voice, certainly not the one I had become used to hearing for so many years, the one that was telling me that I couldn’t afford to make my favorite donation this month. I clearly remember the soothing nature of the Voice that came from within as it very calmly, and with a deliberation and strength that clearly conveyed debate was not an option, told me: “You can’t afford NOT to make a donation.”
I was dumbfounded. I thought I had finally slipping over the edge. I said: “What? What was that? What the heck are you talking about?” And the Voice again said: “You can’t afford NOT to make a donation!” This time I listened!
I can’t tell you where the money came from, but I sat down and wrote a check for $25.00 to Covenant House, knowing that I didn’t have enough money in my checking account to cover it. At this time in my life, I hadn’t yet met and developed the close relationship and friendship with my Father-in-Law, Joe Vaccaro. In fact, I hadn’t yet met and married his daughter, Elaine.
He was an amazing man in so many ways. He became a totally loving grandfather to my daughters, and the generosity he showed them was deeply founded on the absolute devotion he had for them. I miss him and think of him often. Joe Vaccaro left this world way too early.
So, it was still four to five years prior to our having the conversation I alluded to at the beginning of this piece. However, I can hear him today as clearly as if he were sitting right next to me, and I can picture exactly where we were when he told me, in no uncertain terms:
“Generosity is the highest form of selfishness!”
I don’t remember what happened, but I do remember that the check I wrote for covenant house cleared the bank. The fact of the matter is that it couldn’t bounce because there’s a force at work in the universe and it works for all of us in equal measure. That force is the Love with which we were all breathed into existence by our Common Creator. It is our birthright of eternal life and interconnectedness that binds all of humanity, one to the other, and generates an energy where we can’t afford NOT to be generous to others.
When I speak of “generosity” most people will default to the notion of financial generosity, but the spirit of generosity is without limit because Love is without limit. In the world we inhabit, the spirit of generosity manifests itself in thought, word, and deed. I haven’t had a drink since June of 1983, and in the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a saying that goes: “The Only way you can keep it is by giving it away.”
have been a student of A Course In Miracles since 1994, and the Course stresses, over and over again, that: “You get to Heaven by taking your brother with you.” Every major Religion on earth agrees on at least one thing; The best way to experience love is by giving it away. The best way to experience Happiness is by giving it away. One of the basic Tenets of the Course is: “Teach only Love, for that is what you are.”
Generosity, being another word for Love, means that the teaching part can take as many forms as there are people in the world.
All things being equal, wouldn’t you rather make just one phone call to George Wallace (603-401-6263), the creator and founder of Estate Settlement Partners? He is a man who lives the idea that the only way for him to get where he wants to go, is to help you get where you want to go.