The loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can go through. One minute someone is there, and the next minute they’re not. Even if you played the role of caretaker, or stopped by to visit on a regular basis, and you have anticipated this event for quite some time, it is still feels sudden and it is still feels quick. You finally realize that you haven’t been as ready as you thought, and you are nowhere ready to go through a Probate Process. Dividing up the Estate feels a little like parsing out the spoils of war, but the real fighting hasn’t even started yet.
You are constantly aware of a hole having been punched into the fabric of the universe; A rift has appeared where once it was occupied by someone with whom you had a unique relationship, one that was important enough for the deceased to write a last will and testament in which you are named either the Executor of the estate, or the Personal Representative. A unique connection existed between you and another human being that has been severed and you don’t know how to fill that hole, repair that rift, or splice that connection back to the same condition that once existed.
Not only that, but you have now been given what amounts to a full-time job with significant responsibilities. It’s up to you to ensure that those who are named as legitimate heirs in the will receive no more and no less than was expressly provided for by the deceased. It’s around this time that you understand you weren’t the only one who’s been seriously impacted by this person’s death. Other people had their own version of a unique relationship with the deceased and have experienced a serious emotional impact as well.
We often hear people talk about how they internalize their feelings, how they’re not good at expressing that which is occurring on the inside. Just look around and you’ll see many examples of exactly what I’m talking about. In general, people are very uncomfortable in handling feelings with which they are suddenly confronted, feelings that are unusual, powerful, or just plain different from anything that they have experienced before.
People tend to act out those feelings and the most convenient targets are the people who are the closest to them, those they care deeply about. A typical “Irish Wake” and funeral is a very good example of people acting out their feelings for someone who has passed away by drinking copious amounts of alcohol for three or four days straight. I know this to be true because I’m second-generation Boston Irish, having attended more than my share of Irish Wakes and Funerals, and I could usually be found right in the middle of all the festivities.
The result is you have a lot of hungover people after a week of unconsciously trying to drive their feelings down deeper, or anesthetize themselves from the feelings they’re somewhat aware of having. They don’t know that that is exactly what they’re doing, and they don’t know that they don’t know. However, those very powerful, and thus far internalized feelings, will eventually be dropped on someone’s lap, and that lap may very well belong to the Personal Representative who has been named by the deceased.
I want to make it clear that the example I just used is really a microcosm of how people tend to behave when they’re confronted with feelings that are unexpected, unexplored, and very discomforting. It certainly isn’t something exclusive to people of Irish heritage. It’s a human condition, and we can see it being acted out between nations, religions, political parties, neighborhoods, and families.
When someone who has played an important role in your life passes away, the emotional burden can be somewhat overwhelming. You may find yourself experiencing strong feelings of grief and loss, your energy is sapped, and you are often confused by feelings that are difficult to identify or understand, especially the surprise of feeling very angry at the person who passed away and left you here all by yourself, in a hostile and dangerous world.
This is where compassionate professionals like Estate Settlement Partners can play a very important role in the entire probate process. By approaching our clients and our work with as much compassion as we can possibly muster, constantly reminding ourselves that the people we are working with are having a very difficult emotional time, we find that we can help our clients with our compassionate attitudes, as much as by using our substantial skills to increase the value of the Estate Home.
For example, our seasoned Probate Attorneys will take the time to listen to the family’s concerns and answer all your questions in a patient and caring manner. You will always be greeted by words of comfort, and you may be given a referral for effective grief counseling. By doing so, we can help the family members feel supported and cared for during this difficult time.
I used our probate attorneys as an example here, however every single one of our partners accepts and understands the Code of Values that govern our behavior with our clients. ESTATE SETTLEMENT PARTNERS just wants to make it easier for you to safely walk down this rocky road. We are invested in our work, we are invested in our clients, and we are invested in creating the most positive outcome possible.